Ok, now that I made 2 chapters about 2 very important people in my life lets continue on this journey.
One weekend my mom made plans to meet old friends in Orlando and decided to bring
Thomas and me with her, Jerry didn’t go and the reason was revealed when we got
back from the weekend. When we walked into the house all of his stuff was gone. He left
her without a word and I knew in that moment things were to get really bad. I was still
living with my mother and now I was living with her alone. She was completely
devastated by Jerry moving out on her that she dealt with it in the only way she knew
how and that was to drink. One night she had been drinking and I was home of course, I
did something that set her off. I couldn’t tell you what it was it could have been anything.
She was looking to punish someone that night and I was just there. In my mind it all seems to be pictures of moments that I remember but from what I can best recall from my memories of this night, she beat me bad. At first it started out with yelling at me, telling me I was a piece of shit and a loser. I wouldn’t amount to anything. Then objects began flying at me like candles, vases or anything she could pick up and throw. Then she pounced on me like a lion charges at their prey. The punching, grabbing of hair and kicking. I never had someone try to hurt me with such force. When I was able to get up and run she chased after me like a rabid animal. At one point she was sitting on me with a pillow over my face suffocating me. I fought hard to get her off but at the same time I can remember thinking, “This is it, I’m going to die”. I almost gave in and just let my own mother suffocate me to death until the adrenaline finally kicked in. I guess it was a survival mechanism and when I was finally able to fight her off I ran into the bathroom locked the door and started screaming. She was banging on the door so hard I thought she was going to break the damn thing down. I began pulling at the screen on the window and trying to break the glass while screaming someone help me from the top of my lungs. In between scratching away at the screen and screaming I heard my mother go into my bedroom and start throwing things around the room. That’s when I took my chance to get away. I opened the bathroom door and ran out of the house as fast as I could. I ran five blocks to where my Aunt Ellen lived and banged on her door crying. From there I lose all form of memory. Everything’s so blurry like trying to look at something underwater. I know the cops came to my Aunt’s house, but before they did that they made a trip to my mother’s house and arrested her. The story I heard is that the neighbors heard me screaming and called the police but I was gone by the time they got there. They saw how intoxicated she was and she actually became abusive with them and they had to use their pepper spray to take her into custody. When the cops were at my Aunt’s house they took pictures of my whole body, took a police statement and then told me that I wasn’t going to be able to go back to the house, a no contact order was put between us. That’s when my other Aunt, my saving grace, Aunt Lindsay came into my life to rescue me and set my life straight.
When my Aunt Lindsay took me back with her to Ponte Vedra Beach I was more worried
about being away from my boyfriend Thomas at the time that nothing else seemed to
matter. Not even the fact that my mom beat the shit out of me and now I was living 8 hours north up the state. Don’t get me wrong I was depressed and was having bad panic
attacks. I wouldn’t leave my aunt’s guest room which became my room, unless I needed
to go to the bathroom or eat. She told me when the bedroom door was open she could
see me from the living room couch sitting in my “cave” and moping. I didn’t know what
to do or what to feel all I did was listen to music and write in my journal. I would get
phone calls from Thomas when he wasn’t working and bought a calling card but it just
wasn’t good enough for me. I needed to run, find some comfort for the first time in a
long time. What I wasn’t realizing was that I could get that comforting where I was if I
could get myself out of the depression hole long enough to poke my head out and see the
opportunities. Instead of doing the obvious, I devised an escape to be with Thomas and
found myself on an Amtrak heading back towards south Florida.
Misguided Mommy 